Taking Our Power, Taking Our Lives: Women Under Threat (Updated 1X)

~~By InsightAnalytical-GRL

The news about  Bettyjean’s tragedy, the assaults on her daughters Denise and Louisa at the hands of a violent man and a useless legal system, has made me reflect on some of the threats I’ve received and about how many other women have gone through similar experiences.  Most of my life, I never really felt threatened, until the last few years.   The threats I’ve had directed at me recently have been unprovoked anger and verbal that has taken me totally by surprise, because the circumstances would not normally trigger such violent responses. They were disturbing when they occurred and even more disturbing as I recall them tonight.

I’m just about the only one around here who walks my dogs, and being from the East and used to pooper scooper laws, I always pick up.  In these parts, there is no such law and sometimes a stray or an inconsiderate dog-walker will allow their dog to leave a mess on someone’s property.

A few years ago I peeked out of my front door window to see a neighbor opening my front gate, a man whom I had seen a few times but knew little about, except that he was an ex-Marine and was now working in some sort of dispatch job for the city.  I opened the door to a barrage of verbal abuse and accusations about how my dog had left a poop on his property. Totally taken aback, I informed this guy that “I picked up.” This didn’t stop him one bit–he called me a “bitch” and told me I shouldn’t walk on “his street.”  Of course, this made me angry…very angry. I stepped outdoors and stood nose-t0-nose with this ranting man. I went into Marine-mode.

“Listen, SIR, you have no right to accuse me of anything, SIR! SIR, it’s a public street, SIR, and I can walk anywhere I damned well please! You’ve got a damned nerve, SIR, talking to me like this…You may talk to your wife that way, SIR, but you can’t talk to ME like that!”

By this time he had turned and was hurrying away. I left him with this salvo: “You just throw your dogs into the backyard, SIR. You don’t even know how to take care of them!”

A few weeks later the dogs were gone and I found out he had separated from his wife. They’re back together now, but Grandma is around an awful lot keeping a watchful eye on the couple’s little girl.

Another altercation occurred while I was out with Slick one Saturday morning, looking at some things at a garage sale. Suddenly, a big white pitbull mix, which I had seen looking out the screen door of a nearby house quite often, suddenly sped out of the house, jumped me, then went after Slick.  No one at the sale moved a muscle, but the guy inside the house ran out as he heard me screaming to get his dog off Slick.  After getting his dog under control, he didn’t offer one word to see if me or Slick had been hurt. Instead, he laughed at me and mocked me for being upset!  When I told him he should watch that door, he immediately got defensive and nasty. The lack of common courtesy, at the very least, got me so ticked off that I called animal control to report the attack. If the guy had treated me like a neighbor and had expressed some concern about the welfare of me and Slick, I probably wouldn’t have picked up the phone. But it was his total disregard for the attack on me and Slick that really angered me.  Animal control went to the house, then told me that no one answered the door. They guy was HIDING and wouldn’t face up to what his dog had done.

A few weeks later, I was walking quite far from his house, when the same dog came running down the hill toward me ready to jump me and Slick again!  The guy came running and this time, laughed at me and asked me why I was screaming again! Obviously, this guy had no empathy or respect for me or Slick, so I called animal control again.  A lot of older people stroll in the neighborhood and this sort of thing could wind up in someone seriously hurt. This time animal control left a notice. Since that event, the door seems to stay closed.  Apparently, the guy got fined and that got his attention, not an actual attack in action!  But once again, there was a complete lack of respect and concern from this man.

Last week, I had another confrontation as I walked by a house I usually pass on our short walks at night.   Tammy and her husband were out putting up Christmas decorations. I’ve known Tammy for quite awhile on a casual basis and have talked to her about our dogs quite a few times. (By the way, their German shepherd doesn’t get walked very much, either).  But, on this night when I walked by, her husband, in keeping with the season,  jumped up and charged at me, screaming about how my dog pooped on his front yard. No thought about a simple inquiry, no, this guy was fully ramped up. As he screamed at me, I whipped out a handful of plastic bags and told him “I pick up!” I had seen some old poop on his front grass, but it certainly wasn’t from me! He assumed it was ME, though, and told me he didn’t care about “my plastic bags.” He called me a bitch. I then found myself with my fistful of bags in front of his face, telling him that I came from the East where we had pooper scooper laws and I knew how to walk my dog. He said he didn’t care about the East, around here, it didn’t matter…and I shouldn’t walk up his block any more!  (Sound familiar??) I got so in the guy’s face that he started to back off, and warned me not to threaten him!  Well, I just told he had a damned nerve accusing me of something he had absolutely no proof I was guilty of, and that he was an idiot if he thought he could tell me I couldn’t walk on a public street!  I then asked him point blank if he was on drugs or if he was drunk.

At that point, I turned to Tammy and said, “You know me, you know I’ve always picked up!” and she turned away and said, “I’m not getting involved!” I was taken aback and really wondered why an adult woman couldn’t tell her husband that he was way out of bounds. I got the feeling that something was wrong in that relationship. Coincidentally, yesterday I found out from one of their close neighbors that the whole family was dysfunctional. Tammy’s father was an alcoholic and her sister, whom I had met several times, had nearly killed herself a few days ago by going on a drinking binge.  It seems that Tammy must have repeated the pattern and, judging from what he did to me,  she married a guy with the potential for some pretty violent behavior.

What ties all these stories together? Men with irrational anger, nasty language, demands for me to curtail my normal activities–in other words, abusive men who become hostile instead of approaching a problem with some degree of civility.  It’s more than being uncouth, it’s an attitude toward women they don’t even know that manifests in behavior that is completely off the wall. It’s as if they all thought that they had a perfect right to be abusive right from the start.  Sensitivity? Empathy? Simple politeness? Normal behavior? I think not…Not with these guys…all of whom backed down as soon as they were surprised by a woman, and an older woman at that,  who gave it right back to them.

What’s especially upsetting is that I’ve had to feel that I was FORCED to get so aggressive in return. But something told me that if I didn’t these guys would just be getting the reaction they wanted–a sense of power over me and a satisfaction that their macho behavior had intimidated me. At the time of the first incident I was really rather surprised at my own reaction…the sense of power I had when I challenged this guy who came onto MY property and verbally assaulted me.  Somewhere along the way to getting older and wiser, I had figured out it out…no more taking it from anyone anymore, least of all bullies who had something screwed up in their approach to women.

Women put up with an awful lot of this sort of thing and sometimes it really goes beyond verbal assault into the realm of a real threat to life. The so-called protections of marriage or committed relationships don’t seem to apply when things get violent.  What’s given a benign name of “domestic violence” is really just, plain VIOLENCE.  It galls me that there’s a sense of being diminished as a human being simply because a person is somehow “related” to the abuser.  How is this different than a an owner abusing an animal?

Down here in “the Borderland” we have a lot of  animal abuse and “domestic violence.”  The two seem to go hand in hand.  But after what we’ve been through this year, with the misogyny ladled out to us with the help of the media, the Democratic Party, and their pre-ordained nominee, it’s clear that “women hate” is perfectly acceptable. Latest example? The fawning story in the Washington Post about Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau.

Now, he has transformed into what one friend called a “Washington political force” — a minor celebrity with a down payment on a Dupont Circle condo, whose silly Facebook photos with a Hillary Rodham Clinton cutout created what passes for controversy in Obama’s so far drama-free transition.

Yes, it’s all so silly. All so silly.

So now Bettyjean’s daughters suffer at the hands of a man whom they once thought they could trust. But, their trust has been cruelly betrayed this man AND the depraved indifference of “the system.”

As a child, I spent a lot of time in Lodi, NJ. It was my father’s hometown. His immigrant parents settled there and ran a mercantile. My father, his three brothers, sister and half-sister all grew up there. His sisters remained there all their lives. I recall visiting every Sunday. My Aunt Lucy lived in a building next to the old Lodi Modern Bakery on  Main Street, a short block from the old plant with the smokestacks that still stood there then. My Aunt Florence lived upstairs in the same building. The smells of the bakery permeated their apartments.  Aunt Lucy, as the oldest of all the children, was the matriarch of the family. We saw our uncles and cousins there when they came back to Lodi to visit. We would sit at the kitchen table and watch the adults play canasta and eat Aunt Lucy’s marvelous food.  Her stuffed artichokes were the best I have ever tasted. Aunt Florence always ate with Aunt Lucy and never cooked as far as I know. But she was the one who would stop by the Sorrento bakery and pick up the Italian pastries before hopping the bus to visit us.  We all went to the annual “Feast” and enjoyed being part of what was basically an Italian enclave of close families.

In my childhood memories, Lodi was a wonderful place. I haven’t been back in years, but it seems like it’s just like anyplace now…just like any other place in America and or anywhere in the world where violence against women – or the lurking threat of violence —  is part of our lives…

…We must take back our power and take back our lives…

***

UPDATE

Report on the arraignment of the attacker and his comments

Man in shotgun case barred from contacting ill wife

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The man who is accused of shooting his wife’s sister in the face with a shotgun told a judge this afternoon that he wanted to see his terminally ill wife “before she dies.”

But a judge ordered George Hartwig to make no contact with his estranged wife, the shooting victim or any family members.

“That sucks. I didn’t even point a gun at her,” Hartwig said, referring to his wife, Denise Richardson, who is dying of ovarian cancer.

Hartwig was formally charged at the hearing in Superior Court in Hackensack with the attempted murder of 41-year-old Louisa Rodas of Hackensack. She remained in critical condition this afternoon.

MORE

Of Robots and Women and Our Current Life in the Village of Stepford (Antidote on the Way?)(A Double Post by kenosha Marge and InsightAnalytical-GRL)

Women, You’re About To Be Replaced By…a ROBOT!

~~By InsightAnalytical-GRL

A few days ago I happened to spot something as I roamed around the web that really made my skin crawl!  In the current climate of subtle and not-so-subtle sexism and misogyny coming at as from every direction, this had to be “the crowning touch.” When I saw this, my mind rewound to a post written by kenosha Marge that first appeared at Partizane back on November 12. (For those of you who missed it there, KM’s opus follows  immediately after this eye-opener.)

Let’s see… the item I found was written, it seems, by exactly the sort of woman KM describes in her piece.  With complete seriousness and “professionalism” and not a hint of wondering about what the hell it’s all about, she does a thorough and admiring article on a certain invention.  Maybe she wants to keep HER job, but she can’t muster up a single reference point to what women have been put up with for eons???  Did she ever see original version of  The Stepford Wives (1975), a movie I can’t bear to watch anymore??? (Ironically, the 2004 remake was supposed to be “more comedic” according to the linked article…maybe another indicator of how we’ve been more delusional about our “progress” than we should have been!)

Well, I guess it’s on with the show from The Sun (UK), home of the half-naked “Page 3” women:

Inventor builds She-3PO robot

By CAROLINE IGGULDEN

Published: 11 Dec 2008

SHE is the perfect wife, with the body of a Page 3 pin-up and housekeeping skills that put TV’s Kim and Aggie to shame.

Her name is Aiko, she can even read a map, and will never, ever, nag.

Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t she fellas? And she is.

Aiko is actually a robot, a fantasy brought to life by inventor Le Trung.

Devoted Aiko — “in her 20s” — has a stunning 32-23-33 figure, pretty face and shiny hair.

She is always happy to clean the house for “husband” Le, help with his accounts or get him a drink.

Computer ace Le, 33, from Ontario, Canada, has spent two years and £14,000 building his dream girl.

He had planned to make an android to care for the elderly.

But his project — inspired by sci-fi robots like Star Wars’s C3PO — strayed off-course.

Le said: “Aiko is what happens when science meets beauty.”

Robo-wife Aiko starts the day by reading Le the main newspaper headlines.

The couple often go for a drive in the countryside, where Aiko proves a whizz at directions.

And they always sit down for dinner together in the evening, although Aiko doesn’t have much of an appetite.

Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner.

Le said: “Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm.”

Aiko can already react to being tickled or touched. She also recognises faces and speaks 13,000 sentences.

Now Le is seeking a sponsor to help him overcome the robot-maker’s biggest challenge — making Aiko walk like a human.

Once Aiko has been perfected, Le hopes to sell clones for use as home-helps.

He said: “Aiko doesn’t need holidays, food or rest, and will work almost 24 hours a day. She is the perfect woman.”

Aiko sparks mixed reactions in public.

Le said: “Women usually try to talk to her. But men always want to touch her, and if they do it the wrong way she slaps them.”

Well, at least she slaps them if they “touch her the wrong way”!! What a “perfect woman”!

Here’s a “full frontal” cheesecake photo of this latest wonder (and there’s a video up at the The Sun, too):

I don’t know what’s sicker–the fact that this guy has built the perfect stereotype which women can’t seem to shake OR the fact that the female reporter seems to accept “nagging” as a feminine attribute and humors the fellas as she mentions that the robot woman is  “too good to be true.” Oh, but Aiko does get credit for being able to read a map, although we’re not quite how she’ll do in bed…

One more thought–can you imagine if this thing is mass-marketed?? What will THAT do to the status of women?  Hey, NOW and all you other “feminist leaders” who decided to get suckered by Obama…what’s your move when this hits town???

If you are feeling as disgusted as I am, you can email the “reporter”  or whatever she is at c.iggulden@the-sun.co.uk.

***

Women Will Never Be Equal

~~By kenosha Marge

I watched as 56% of the female voters in the country voted for a misogynist. I watched outraged. I watched in sadness. I watched in shame. And I knew, I finally, completely, totally knew that women would never be equal. They won’t let themselves be. They don’t want to be. They are afraid to be. They will always choose a second-rate man over a first-rate woman.

We will never be equal not because of the men that hate us, demean us and insist that we remain second-class citizens. Those pathetic little fellas need someone to look down on but there are not enough of them. There are too many good, decent secure men around who don’t need to keep a woman down to make themselves feel all manly.

The pathetic little men need to have someone to whom they can feel superior and then push around; pound on, talk smut about and then take to bed. The sex part is a bonus they get with no other subjected critter. Except for those that do it to sheep and even the sheep have the self-respect to bleat about it.

But the pathetic little men need help. And they get it from women, from women that do not support other women. For whatever sick, sad little reason, women do not support women. And so women will never be equals.

When media launches one of its sexist attacks on some woman, any woman, other women quickly pile on. When night after night on the rabidly sexist Countdown on MSNBC, the rabidly sexist cretin Keith Olbermann demeaned the pathetic public meltdown of Britney Spears, where were the female voices telling him to stop? I don’t even like her and yet I was appalled and after a few programs I stopped watching him and never went back. Seeing someone bash Bush wasn’t worth watching a man publicly attacking a woman without outcry, with no outrage. Those programs should have told everyone all they needed to know about Keith Olbermann. Instead his ratings climbed. Sexism sells. It also tells me everything I need to know about people that still watch him.

When Hillary Clinton was smeared and subjected to outrageous sexism in the media, and particularly on MSNBC, where was the outrage? When her run was done and Sarah Palin was smeared and subjected to outrageous sexism, where was the outrage? And where were the women protesting such treatment?

How about Rachel Maddow, the newest member of MSNBC’s Obama team? Sticking up for the females? You gotta be kidding. She’s just one of the boyz now and thus must prove her chops by beating up on women worse than they do.

All the old hags of the Women’s Movement piled on the Palin. How dare a “conservative” woman think she had the right to run for VP when a liberal woman hadn’t been chosen? Bet ya didn’t know that only “liberal” women are worthy of support. However Hillary Clinton just wasn’t the right woman. Yeah, right.

Now we gleeful girls, or at least 56% of us are dancing around the Maypole in joy that an African-American, well actually a Kenyan-American man, is the president elect. That’s historic, don’t ya know!

Black men were given the right to vote 50 years before women. The Fifteenth Amendment to the Constitution was ratified on February 3, 1870. It prohibits preventing a citizen from voting based on the citizen’s race, color or previous condition of servitude. Thus black men were given the right to vote. But women, of any color were not.

15th Amendment

Fifty years later, the 19^th Amendment to the constitution was ratified on August 18, 1920. And women were finally allowed to vote.

19th Amendment

Guess us girls will just have to hang on another 50 years or so to get our turn at the Presidency. Hell, even at the Vice-Presidency. Cause it’s all about the boys, don’t ya know. At least 56% of the women in this country seem to think so.

So long as 56% of the women in this country stand in a man’s corner when a woman is fighting, a woman will never, and can never win. It’s a hell of a price to pay for a pat on the head or a pat on the ass.

Women will never be equal. 56% of them won’t allow that to happen. And so the rest of us must suffer for their puny and pathetic little hang-ups. If I didn’t loathe them so much I would almost feel sorry for them.

***

Editor’s Note: Heidi Li has formed a new organization; see Introducing 51 Percent – an organizational antidote to hatred of women.

This will be a non-profit educational organization designed to teach people what misogyny is, why it is different from sexism, how it relates to hateful conduct. On the affirmative side 51 Percent will promote the aspiration of having women occupy 51 percent of all areas in civil society (not just politics, but the workplace (and not just high level or white collar jobs but all jobs), the arts, every media institution, etc.) I believe that 51 percent representation – proportional to the presence of women in the general population – is  the most expedient antidote to the prevalence of misogynist conduct and its current social acceptability.

Please check out what she is doing…